Profile Responses—Week 6

Munirah-

This is a great idea for a profile. It looks like you’ve already got a lot of great details on the Dairy Mart—while I was reading I got the impression that you’ve spent a lot of time observing the place. I thought the descriptions were great. I love how you start out with the words on the sign and then move to talk about the kinds of people that frequent the Dairy Mart. As you’re doing more reporting, I think it would be cool to identify more characters like the old man in the second paragraph—for example, the cashiers and other Dairy Mart regulars. Other things I’m curious about: do people try to rob the Dairy Mart often (I heard this was a huge problem at Munchie Mart)? What’s the weirdest thing that’s ever happened there? What’s it like working there? Is there a lot of competition with Munchie Mart? What’s the bestselling item? How do they decide what to stock? What are their goals for expanding/improving? You’re off to a good start, and I’m excited to see how the piece turns out.

Joel-

As always, your wit is sparkling. I liked the use of the word “denizens,” and the woman with the perverse love of burgers. I got a good overall picture of what the Union has to offer, but I felt like there wasn’t much conflict. The piece did make me want a flatbread pizza, though. I think it would be cool to hear from more customers and more waitstaff. Maybe you could even talk to one of the bands after their set? I went on Saturday and I saw a band just hanging around the bar talking to people later in the night, so that might be a possibility. What’s the focus of the piece? The clash between the college students and the old people drinking martinis? The artistic community? The economic downturn? The dating scene (that could be cool, actually—talking to more of the lone sharks at the bar)? I definitely felt like you gave a good view of the clientele, but it could be cool to have more scenes with people doing stuff. Also more description of the décor—how the Union builds that classy yet casual vibe.

Anna-

I really felt like I got to know Victor from your piece. The descriptions were great—the details weren’t just there, they were telling something important about Victor. From your physical description, I got information about his job, his age, and his energetic nature. The quotes were also used well—I really get a sense that he’s a very humble, passionate person from the way he talks about music and his job. There were also some stunning transitions—my favorite was the sexism paragraph to the personal music studio paragraph. That all being said, I didn’t get a lot of conflict from this piece. He just seems so at peace with the way his life turned out. Maybe you have to talk to him again and ask more probing questions? There seemed to be little hints of conflict, like the grad school thing, the allergy thing, the working at his alma matter thing, but nothing really seemed to stand out as the heart of the issue. Also, why did you choose the ending that you did? I thought it was interesting information, but it didn’t seem linked to the rest of the piece. I think there’s so much interesting, vivid stuff here that you should have no problem going back, choosing a focus, and digging deeper.

Marina-

I remember being fascinated by Amy’s story when I took her Shakespeare class in the fall. I love your descriptions of her (especially the crazy pants). One of my questions was, who is your audience? If you’re writing for anyone outside of the college, you should make it clear that she studied film, decided to become a teacher, and started teaching at K College. What I see as the focus of the piece is her transition from being a dancer to being an academic, and how feminism played into that. If that’s what you’re going for, I think you need to go deeper into what feminism means to her, how it plays out in her life and her teaching, and how she feels it “falls short,” as she says in the last quote. How exactly was her decision to quit dancing a product of her growing feminism? It could be cool to include some of what she says during her class to show how she’s teaching feminism. I also thought it would be cool to hear from more students about how the class is changing their ideas about feminism, how it’s making them think more about those issues and the ways they show up in society.